Thursday, September 17, 2009


I could so easily fall in love with you. I have already fallen in love with you. Deep and hard. I can’t sleep at night because I want you. I can’t sleep at night because I can never have you. Love is lovely. Unrequited love is devastatingly lovely.

Unrequited love is self-fulfilling – unnecessary to consummate because the impossibility of such a love has rendered the act superfluous to the pain and yearning, which is the very heart of such a love.

Love for the sake of love – agape. Thomas Jay Oord has defined agape as "an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being.” Ill-being, being hurt by the one that you love. One that has ignored the love you have offered repeatedly, one who would use you and let you go.

One who is not worthy of the love you have to give, but one whom you can not stop loving. One who is inappropriate, who will never be the right one, but who might forever be the only one.

I can not protect my heart from such a love. I can only try to avoid the consequences.


Anonymous said...

Why, oh why does a beautiful young man like yourself constantly get involved with the wrong man? Is it that you like the pain? Do you revel in the heartache? I can't believe there is not one nice boy your own age in NYC that you can form a relationship with.

I can see that you crave a connection but you are not letting yourself find someone who is good and kind and appropriate.

You need to find a guy who appreciates your sensitivity and your deep need for affection and you need to guard your heart a little more closely. You need to take time to know a guy and you need a guy who understands you before you fall madly in love.

RP, Mikey, Marc, all have caused you pain, either on purpose like marc or, for whatever reason, but you chose to love them. You need to know what a boy wants from you why he is pursuing you and how this will affect your life before trusting your heart. Get to know a boy and let him get to know you first.

You are a very intense young man and not all guys are ready for that or want that. You must learn to trust your instincts and not fall madly in love.

Also, you must not shy away from a guy who might be right for you because you are scared. Take your time and get to know a boy first. And let him know you. You, and he, will not be disappointed.

Anonymous said...

Is this about Marc? is that over? you left us hanging on that one.