Marco said something today that was surprising and upsetting. He said that, when things are tough and his mind goes to places that it probably should not, he wonders if it wouldn’t be prudent to end our relationship. He said that he sometimes thinks that I will not stay with him and he should just end it before I do. He thinks that I am too young to be involved in a serious monogamous relationship and that I should be enjoying my life rather than be involved with a guy who is nine years older.
We saw Celtic Thunder a few months ago and when Damian McGinty sang Puppy Love, he became very reticent. Later he told me it was because I am so young and vulnerable, and he sometimes feels like he is taking advantage of me. I try to reassure him that I am right where I want to be.
The day we met was the day I became legal. Had we met a few months earlier, he could have been arrested for rape. Of course, we knew each other for three months before we began dating and it was even longer before we made love. I was a virgin when we met. I had dated a few guys my own age and had done some stuff, but I had never been in love before and I had never had sex.
One of the comments that was left here on my blog was a question of whether I have replaced my dependence on Caitlin with a dependence on Marc. I do rely on him for so many things. He keeps me grounded, much the way Cait used to do. He gives me a safe platform from which I can explore and experiment. His love is like a safety harness for when I bungee jump into life. He wraps his affection around me like bubble wrap around a precious possession.
Marco is smart and sexy and funny. He is my anchor and a light in the dark recesses of my soul. He lifts me up when I am down and encourages me when I am afraid. He makes me examine my motives and question my actions.
He thinks I will outgrow my love for him. I will not.